What does discipleship mean? We know the great Commission that Christ gave us in Matt. 28: 19-20. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” This easily gives us the impression that we need to ‘go’ somewhere.
When I was a young mom, with a houseful of little kids, I went through a period where I grew rapidly in thankfulness for God’s grace. I felt a strong desire to share the good news with others. At the same time I felt heavily burdened by this house full of needy children. I was not able to stand in a ProLife rally, or travel to the capital to help set up a display. I couldn’t volunteer in a soup kitchen, or travel to other countries to help build Christian schools or church buildings. I felt I was being ‘held back’ by these kids. I felt they hampered my ability to witness and minister to others, to disciple those who had not heard the good news. That was until a dear older woman laid her hand on my arm and gently stated, ”but that IS your witness. Your children, your family, is your mission field!” It was a life altering realisation.
However, many do realise that they are the ones who need to teach their offspring, and yet the idea that the gospel is for little children as well as for adults, doesn’t even dawn on them.
I grew up in a faithful Christian family, my parents modelled Christian behaviour, love, forgiveness, gentleness, self-control etc. All the fruit of the Spirit was clearly modelled by them. Yet looking back at my growing-up years, I do not see that I was being discipled. I once asked my Mum why she did not teach me to ask for God’s help when, as a young child, I was struggling with various issues. She told me she had never thought about the fact that God was for little children as well. Unconsciously, she believed that a child’s problems were not worthy of God’s time. Even though she would have stated that Christ had made abundantly clear that children were indeed important to Him. Somehow she had never realised little ones needed discipling as much as any adult. It struck me as an especially unexpected revelation since she had spent her entire career as a Christian primary school teacher and principal. And yet I don’t think this is an uncommon misconception.
There are other unconscious misconceptions that can lead us to miss this calling. We may easily miss our children as a mission field because we profess that our children are ‘children of the covenant’ and in that sense they do not need to be brought to the LORD since He has claimed them as His own. Our baptismal forms clearly state that our children are His. But what we do not do is explain the Lord to them. We need to explain to them what He has done for them and how that knowledge ought to have an effect on how they live their lives. So we are discipling, not in the sense that we are looking to convert them, but that we alert them to their privileges and responsibilities.
As we introduce our children to their Heavenly Father, we need to impress on them that He is the King of kings. As such, being His children, they are royalty. They need to know that they are being raised with many privileges. They have insight and peace that those who are not God’s children do not know. By being born under the covenant, that is their birthright. They have many advantages over those who are growing up without Christ. Through the communion of saints our children have a shortcut into understanding human nature, and insight into how nature has been designed. Many of them even have an easier time looking for work and looking for friends and spouses. But there are also limits and responsibilities placed on them in these areas because of their privileged status. We also teach them that there is much required of our children. There are behaviours that are expected and forbidden them. That too is part of their birthright.
I think Prince William and Prince Harry are a great analogy for us to use in speaking about this. From before they were born, these two were royalty. Born into privilege and responsibility. They both were given many privileges as they were growing up. Privileges that were theirs by right of birth. But there was also much required of both of these men. Specific behaviour was expected of them in certain circumstances and yet other behaviour was not permitted for them. Many advantages were granted them regarding careers and marriage, but there were also many restrictions placed on them. Both regarding careers and marriage. And their birth also placed a calling on their lives. A calling that people not born into royalty do not have. Both these young men, through birth were called to lead through service. They are expected to treat others, those that have been raised with less, with humility and patience, no matter how they are confronted by them.
And just like William and Harry, our children can respond in two different ways. Like Prince William has done, they can accept and rejoice in their privileges. They can take on their responsibilities as laid out for them by their birthright. And in doing so they will be a blessing to those around them, to those whom they serve and lead. And in doing so they become a blessing to their parents. On the other hand, like Prince Harry, they can reject their responsibilities. They can dwell on the sins of those around them and focus on things they believe they ought to have received. They reject their privileged status and so also lose many of their privileges. They live lives outside of the world where they were raised, no longer able to enjoy the privileges that were intended for them. And like Prince Harry, they often find they are out of step with that world.
So God has given these princes and princesses parents to disciple them. We can disciple them by reading His Word with them. By taking them to church, and if we have the opportunity, to Sunday school as well. But the greatest witness our children will ever get is the testimony of our lives. We teach our children about the goodness of our God through our own behaviour. As they see us react to trials and to blessings, we disciple them. We teach them who God is. It is infinitely beneficial for our children to hear us speak openly of our own struggles with trials or sin. We disciple them when we speak in specifics of God’s patience with ourselves. When we speak words of thankfulness knowing that, though we again come to Him with a repeated sin, we show that we know and trust that He is not annoyed at having to forgive us once again. In doing so we teach them about God’s character. We can live the example of a life of those caught by “His net of grace.” When our children see us asking the LORD for help, when they see our trust in the outcome of difficulties, they gain a better understanding of His care for us and them. And we teach them about His trustworthiness. That is how we disciple them. We teach them by example that we know He does not judge us but neither does He shield us from the consequences of our actions. Indeed, we know that hardship is the workshop of God’s grace.
And over time we will present them with what our own responses are. We disciple them in explaining to them what is a good and right response. And we teach them and show them the results of the wrong response. And we explain to them how their choice in response will affect them and then we have to leave it to them to choose. This is a critical stage. We need to acknowledge that we are not our children’s saviour. Only God can grow the seed He has called us to plant in them. And then, as we too allow them the freedom to choose we remain there for them. And we prepare to show them the grace God shows His people Himself. Then, when, if they DO choose the wrong response we can be their “safety net of grace.” We may be there to catch them. We get to give them the opportunity to discuss the result of their choices. We allow them to work through the outcome of their choices, so they can see how and why they ended up in trouble. And like disciples, we do that without judgement, in the same manner as God does it with us. We do not shield them from their consequences, because these are put in place by God to teach them. But we do support them. Time after time we get to steer them back to the comfort of His Word.
I have heard discipleship described as follows: “It is intentional and deliberate-it doesn’t just happen. It requires you deciding, with God’s help, to work to be a conduit for pouring spiritual blessing into the life of another person – as one aspect of your personal obedience to Christ.” I love this definition because it relays the intentionality that is required in parenting. As parents we carry the great responsibility of teaching our children about the Lord. We are called to introduce them to who He is and what He has done for us and for them. But that responsibility is also a great privilege, because in doing so, we develop a closer relationship with Him ourselves. Indeed, studies have shown that teaching is the best way to gain a deeper understating of something yourself. It is called the ‘protégé effect’, and in raising up children to carry that torch of discipleship for the next generation, in teaching our children, we ourselves are blessed. We ourselves are being drawn closer to Christ. Isn’t it mindboggling that God worked that into our nature as well? It’s a thrilling task.
Margeeske Davies is a member of the Pukekohe Reformed Church.
Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash
