I remember it well. The day when I came home from a sleepover at my cousin’s house. My aunties were sitting in our living room, my mother, being comforted by them. There was a heavy, sadness in the room, my mother acknowledging my arrival with a piercing sob. I did not think to ask what was wrong. My question was, where is dad? This was the natural question, wasn’t it? It was clear that something tragic had happened, a family crisis had descended on our household, surely the question had to be ‘where is dad?’. My ten-year-old mind instinctively knew that the problem had to be confronted by the man of the house. He would guide us through this crisis as he provides headship, comfort, encouragement, leadership and prayer. This is what men do, it is what fathers are there for, isn’t it?
It is not an easy task to answer the question ‘what is a man?’1. Simply because our primary example of what a man is will, for the most part, be our fathers. And for some of us, the example was not great. Maybe, like me, right now, in thinking about the example of masculinity set by my father, you might be saying to yourself… ‘I am not a great example’. Or maybe, with the waves of feminism morphing with the modern liberal doctrine of unconstrained individualism, from which the notion of limitless bodily autonomy has spawned the creed ‘I am what I feel’ (creating the current cultural confusion regarding masculinity),2 you might be asking yourself… ‘What is masculinity anyway?
Whatever the reason for reflection, reflection is required. And, especially for Christians, the question ought to be asked simply because masculinity is fallen. In a post Genesis 3 world men fail as fathers, sons, brothers, husbands, leaders, protectors and providers. This is to say that since masculinity has been corrupted by sin, men in general will abuse, neglect, misrepresent and/or misinterpret their masculine role. To put it another way, given the brokenness of a cursed world, Christian men will have to, at some point in their lives ask, ‘what is a man?’ What are my God ordained roles and responsibilities, why is there such a thing as masculinity or, even more specifically, why does God create men to be masculine?3
Now if you are a woman reading this, you might say that ‘this is not directed at me’. But I would like to assure you that this is as relevant a question for you to ask as it is for the men reading this. You must reflect on what roles the men in your life are to fulfil, and what your roles and responsibilities are given their roles and responsibilities. This is then our goal. To thank God for masculinity as we think on the question ‘what is a man?’.
Real Men vs Good Men
In her book ‘The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes’ Nancy R. Pearcey makes a distinction between the ‘Real Man’ and the ‘Good Man’. The ‘real man’ is the man portrayed in action movies, men’s health magazines and 90’s beer commercials. He is the womaniser, the rough hard man with a beard and a rifle, straight talking and always ready for a fight4. It is masculinity on steroids, (and should we recognise the irony) a man made in the image of GI Jane5.
The ‘good man’ on the other hand is the man who uses his strength to lead, protect and provide6. The ‘good man’ represents masculinity as it ought to be in her view. And it is only Christ who can make a ‘real man’ into a ‘good man’ by making him a ‘Godly man’ Pearcey says.
She argues, however, that the war on masculinity waged by feminist theorists has thrown the baby out with the bath water. While the feminist critique on the ‘real man’ is valid, by labelling masculinity as toxic, they have made the ‘good man’ toxic also. The solution however, according to feminist theory, is not the Gospel but rather for woman to either become more masculine (as to erase any distinction between the sexes), or for woman to feminize men, raising them out of their base instincts unto a higher plain of civility, thus removing the ‘toxin’ from society. It seems that since masculinity in general is toxic according to feminist theory, it is universally oppressive and must be replaced by liberated (feminist) femininity.7
This ‘cultural emasculation’, the notion that men must apologise for their masculinity and rid themselves of this primitive, primeval evolutionary peculiarity which was useful for cavemen but is no longer needed, is what ‘orthodox’ feminists say will rid the world of ‘toxic’ masculinity.
And maybe, as Christian men, you and I do need to pause for a moment and consider the feminist critique (not the solution). Since masculinity is fallen, while acknowledging the truth that there is no sin that is not common to all men (1 Cor. 10:13), all men can see their need to repent.
To the brother who is reading this. Can you think of a time when you contributed to the feminist critique by being a ‘real man’ rather than a ‘good man’? Do you need to make changes in your life, attitude or priorities because you have in some way misused your God given strength? Like Samson, who had to become blind before he could see how he was using his strength to sin, must you in weakness come before God to ask, ‘have mercy on me, a sinner…’? Yes, men, all men, must repent first. If this was true for the great men of the Bible, including the man after God’s own heart, King David (Psalm 51:1-19), then it is true for us also. Men, must consider their sin, turn from it by turning to God for forgiveness and abandon their foolish ‘toxic’ ways by putting to death ungodly habits and replacing them with godly ones. In short, we are to be men who are being conformed into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ, not Vin Diesel, Hulk Hogan or Rambo.
This is then to say that there are some grounds for the feminist critique given the corruption of masculinity through sin. But we must reject wholeheartedly not only the feminist analysis of the problem, but also their solution. You cannot eliminate what they call ‘toxic masculinity’ by empowering women8 or by feminising men. The answer is the opposite: we must thank God for masculinity and encourage men to be men. Not real men, not even good men, but as per the Bible and Pearcey’s book, God fearing men!
Men are created for a purpose
Furthermore, it is true that masculine traits in general in men are a force for good in this world. I know girls can go out to work in gritty factories to service greasy machines (I’ve seen the WW2 documentaries), but be honest, do you not think a sweaty calloused handed dude with hair on his chest and arms like Hulk Hogan, fits that role better? Yes, woman can be brave, and some could probably handle the stress and brutality of frontline combat, but should we, as a society, expect them to? When I look at my children (2 boys and 3 girls), I can picture myself, with tears, saying to my boys ‘God be with you’ as they stamp off to war, but try as I might, I just cannot picture my ‘Violet’, ‘Poppy’ or ‘Zoe-Faith’ marching to the trenches. In fact, I would do all that I can to prevent that from happening (and so would my boys).
My point is that there are certain spheres in this world which are intuitively masculine, and men are intrinsically masculine, so men are innately suited to fulfil such roles, making masculinity a necessary (beneficial) part of creation. And to put it plainly, men are drawn to such roles. Give a boy a stick and it quickly becomes a club, a gun, or a cricket bat (which is used to club stuff with). Why? Because masculinity stimulates (or should I rather say is) the impulse in men to lead, to protect and to provide. These impulses will often need things such as testosterone driven aggression, greater physical strength, less emotional fragility (even though men do cry) and the natural interest in adventure, risk, danger and getting dirty and/or hurt for the sake of… Well… climbing a tree for example.
The thing is that when masculinity in little boys mature, the same instinct pushes them to get a job, speak to a pretty (Reformed, TULIP loving, ‘Institutes’ reading) girl, marry her, have (lots of) children9, buy, build and maintain a house, take their families to Church, lead the family in devotions and prayer, work hard to pay the bills, persevere for the sake of those who depend on them, stand firm in the crisis, go off to war in order to defend women and children, guide their families through the trial, have more children… I think you can see my point.
Boys must grow up to become men, and for this to happen, masculinity must be nurtured, not stifled, directed, not repressed, guided, not given free reign, sanctified, not given over to sin. And for this to happen, we need men to act like men so as to become leaders, protectors, providers and fathers…10
In conclusion then I say that men are…11
Patriarchs. Men must be fathers – either to their own children or to the fatherless (1 Corinthians 4:15). This means that regardless of whether God has blessed you with children or not, men must teach and disciple other men.
Priests. God requires men to ‘stand in the gap’. For a Christian man this means to be the intercessors for their families before God. Like the priests of old, men must lead their loved ones to the foot of the cross. And there stand to present what is needful.
Prophets. Christian men must be leaders who exercise spiritual headship. They must lead their families in the way they must go as they follow the example of Christ and teach the Scriptures. This will require Christian men to dig deep into heavenly things, and make time for personal study, devotion, and prayer. It will require them to think deeply about their priorities, ambitions and failings.12
Protectors. Men have been given greater strength for the protection of the weak and vulnerable. Like Joseph who led his family out of harm’s way upon hearing of Herod’s plans (Matthew 2:13-15). So, the man takes the initiative/leadership for the security of those who are dependent on him. He is not passive, but proactive. Men are warriors with their boots on the ground defending whatever the Lord has given them to watch over.
Providers. Men must work. This is not to say that men must be the sole breadwinner (or even the primary breadwinner)13, but no man should send his wife/mother/sister out to work so that he can stay at home to watch ‘Rambo’. This conversation needs more nuance than I can dig into here, but let it be sufficient to say that men, not woman, were sent out to earn bread by the sweat of their brow(Genesis 3:19).14
The end of the matter is this… Masculinity is necessary yet fallen, but since the grace of God is sufficient in our weakness, masculinity is redeemed in Christ. In who’s strength the apostle Paul exhorts us…Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.(1 Corinthians 16:13-14).This is what real men made good by the power of God do; it is what God fearing fathers are there for and it is why we humbly thank God for masculinity!
References
1 In biological terms a man is a male human being with XY chromosomes and higher bone density etc. than female humans. But it would be a very short article if I only address the topic from that angle.
2 Feminist theory is best understood in terms of a liberation struggle for equal (civil) rights between men and woman (first wave feminism), predicated upon the desire for equality between the sexes (which include bodily autonomy through sexual liberation (second wave feminism)) and in the end, pursued by feminising masculinity (third wave feminism). See Carl R. Trueman. ‘Strange New World : How Thinkers and Activists Redefined Identity and Sparked the Sexual Revolution’ for a very readable and informative insight on this issue.
3 For helpful reading see: Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. Ryle; Reclaiming Masculinity: Eight Biblical Principles for Being the Man God Wants You to Be by Matt Fuller; Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family by Steve Farrar; Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes.
4 The social media personality Andrew Tate is an example of someone who is promoting the ‘real man’ as true masculinity.
5 G.I. Jane is a 1997 American action drama film directed by Ridley Scott and starring Demi Moore, Viggo Mortensen, and Anne Bancroft. The film tells the fictional story of the first woman to undergo special operations training similar to the U.S. Navy SEALs. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Jane
6 Dr.Jordan B. Peterson understands masculinity in a similar way. If you don’t want to plough through his 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos,then clean your room and see https://www.dailywire.com/show/dragons-monsters-and-men
7 I realise that I am painting with broad brush strokes and that there are schools of thought within what might be termed ‘feminism’ which are not ‘anti-masculinity’ or ‘anti-men’. But these would be seen as detractors from the foundational premises of feminist theory proper. An example of such is the academic Louise Perry, author of ‘the case against the sexual revolution’.
8 By this I refer to the idea that the distinctions between the sexes must be eliminated through females adopting masculine attributes or stereotypes for the purpose of ‘empowering’ women.
9 It goes without saying that God does not bless all couples with children. My point is simply that masculinity celebrates the idea of having children for this was part of the creation mandate(Genesis 1:28).
10 I highly recommend Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead Their Families by Douglas Wilson. on this point.
11 I am indebted to What He Must Be …If He Wants to Marry My Daughter by Voddie T. Baucham Jr. for this helpful insight.
12 Womenare certainly able to lead in this way. But when a man, having been given the authority and privilege by God to be the head of his household, neglects his responsibility to lead, he does so to his own shame as with Deborah and Barak (Judges 4:8-9).
13 See Proverbs 31:24 speaking to the freedom of a wife to generate an income.
14 I highly recommend the little book ‘Just do something’ by Kevin DeYoung if you are struggling to find motivation in this area.
Mr Braam J.v.Rensburg is the minister in Nelson Reformed Church.
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