Love. The word is everywhere. We see it splashed across screens, hear it echoing through music, and weave it into our daily conversations. It’s the theme of countless movies, the refrain of endless songs, and the subject of heartfelt speeches. Yet, for all its ubiquity, love remains one of the most misunderstood and elusive concepts in our modern world. Our culture often reduces love to a fleeting feeling, a sentimental high, or even a transaction of mutual benefit. But is that all there is to it? Or could it be that love, in its truest form, is something far deeper, richer, and more transformative?
Consider the cultural mantra “Love is love.” Former U.S. President Barack Obama famously tweeted these words in support of marriage equality: “Retweet if you believe everyone should be able to marry the person they love. #LoveIsLove.” The phrase has since become a rallying cry for many, celebrated for its simplicity and inclusivity. Similarly, during Australia’s 2017 same-sex marriage debate, then-Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull declared: “The Australian people have spoken, and they have voted overwhelmingly ‘Yes’ for marriage equality. They voted ‘Yes’ for fairness, they voted ‘Yes’ for commitment, they voted ‘Yes’ for love.” These statements reflect a cultural tendency to frame love as an emotional or individualistic pursuit – something that affirms personal identity or validates desires.
Closer to home in New Zealand, former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern offered a broader vision of love rooted in compassion and community. In response to the Christchurch mosque attacks in 2019, she said: “We represent diversity, kindness, compassion. A home for those who share our values. Refuge for those who need it.” Her words highlight how love can unite people across differences and bring healing in times of tragedy. Yet even this vision raises deeper questions: What sustains love when emotions wane? What anchors love when life becomes hard?
This confusion about love permeates pop culture as well. In movies, love is often portrayed as an overwhelming feeling or magical connection. Think of Anna Scott’s vulnerable plea in Notting Hill: “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” Or Hazel Grace’s poetic confession in The Fault in Our Stars: “I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” In music, love is described as euphoric and enchanting. Taylor Swift captures this sentiment in Enchanted: “This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go / I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home.” Coldplay’s Magic likens love to a spellbinding force: “Call it magic, call it true / I call it magic when I’m with you.” These portrayals resonate because they capture the emotional highs we associate with love – but they often reduce it to fleeting feelings or abstract notions of acceptance without offering a deeper foundation.
This perspective increasingly portrays love as something that serves our desires, validates our identities, or provides fleeting emotional highs. But what happens when those feelings fade? What sustains love when life becomes hard or relationships face trials? Modern definitions of love – rooted in emotion, individualism, and self-fulfillment – offer little guidance for enduring challenges or navigating brokenness. They leave us with a fragile and shallow understanding of love: something temporary, subjective, and ultimately unable to satisfy the deepest longings of the human heart. Could it be that true love is far more profound – something enduring, self-giving, and transformative?
Searching for a definition: What does the Bible say about love?
This cultural confusion about love raises pressing questions: What is love, truly? Is it just a fleeting emotion, a personal pursuit, or a social construct? Or is there a deeper reality – something enduring that transcends our subjective experiences? To navigate this confusion, we need more than cultural clichés; we need a vision of love that can endure life’s trials and satisfy the deepest longings of our hearts.
The Bible offers such a vision – a radically different understanding of love that isn’t shallow or self-serving but grounded in God’s unwavering commitment to his people and revealed supremely in Jesus Christ. As 1 John 4:10 says: “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” This gospel-centred definition challenges cultural notions by anchoring love not in fleeting feelings or self-interest but in self-giving sacrifice. By taking the punishment we deserve, Christ showed us what real love looks like – self-giving, sacrificial, and redemptive.
Biblical love stands in stark contrast to the fleeting emotions or self-focused definitions so common today. It is steadfast because it reflects God’s character; it is sacrificial because it seeks the good of others; and it is transformative because it changes both those who give it and those who receive it.
At its heart, the Bible calls us to cruciform – or cross-shaped – love. This kind of love mirrors Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross: giving ourselves willingly and joyfully for the good of others. It isn’t about seeking personal gain, validation, or self-fulfilment but about blessing others – even when it costs us something. Whether it’s forgiving someone who has wronged us, serving those in need, or showing kindness to those who oppose us, cruciform love reflects God’s grace at work in our lives.
But what does this cross-shaped love look like in practice? In the sections that follow, we’ll explore how this kind of love can transform our relationships – with one another, within marriage, and even toward those we might consider enemies.
Love for one another: the mark of Christian community
Love is the hallmark of the Christian community, the defining trait that sets Christ’s disciples apart in a world often marked by division, selfishness, and strife. Jesus declared, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). This love is not merely a fleeting emotion but a deep and enduring commitment rooted in Christ’s own example. His command to “love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12) challenges us to model our love on his sacrificial and self-giving nature. Through his death on the cross and his resurrection, Jesus not only shows us what true love looks like but also empowers us to live it out. His humility, service, and willingness to lay down his life call us to reflect his character in all our relationships.
The Apostle Paul reinforces this in Ephesians 5:1-2, urging believers to “walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.” Similarly, Philippians 2:5-8 reminds us to adopt the same mindset as Christ, who “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” As 1 John 4:7-11 reminds us, love originates from God and it requires personal sacrifice, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God… This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:7-11). These passages remind us that true love begins with God. It is not something we muster up on our own but something we receive from him – and then share with others.
This kind of cross-shaped love changes everything. It transforms how we relate to one another in the church. It moves us to forgive when we’ve been wronged, to carry each other’s burdens in times of difficulty, and to encourage one another in faith. This love isn’t based on feelings that come and go but on the unchanging grace of God poured out through Jesus. When Christians live out this selfless love – marked by humility, service, and sacrifice – they show the world a glimpse of God’s kingdom. It’s a powerful witness to the gospel’s truth. In this way, loving one another becomes both a reflection of Christ’s love for us and an invitation for others to experience his grace.
Love in marriage: a covenant reflection of Christ’s love
Marriage, as depicted in Scripture, is far more than a romantic partnership; it is a sacred covenant designed to reflect Christ’s sacrificial love for his church.1 Ephesians 5:25–33 calls on husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (v. 25) – selflessly and sacrificially, even to the point of laying down their lives.2 This love is not based on fleeting emotions or mutual convenience but on a steadfast commitment rooted in grace. Christ’s love for the church was demonstrated through his ultimate sacrifice, cleansing and sanctifying her to present her in splendour. In the same way, husbands are called to nurture and cherish their wives, prioritising their spiritual and emotional well-being above their own desires. This covenantal love is a daily act of humility and service, mirroring Christ’s unwavering devotion to his people.
Many assume that a man’s primary duty in marriage is to love his wife, while the wife’s duty is to submit to her husband. While this is true, as Ephesians 5:22–23 highlights, the wife shares the same fundamental responsibility – to love. Titus 2:3–4 instructs, “Older women … to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands.” Together, spouses embody the gospel through mutual love and respect, cultivating a relationship that points beyond itself to God’s eternal plan of redemption. A gospel-centred marriage thrives not on self-interest but on self-giving, where each partner seeks the other’s good above their own.3 Such a union becomes a living testimony of God’s covenant faithfulness – a reflection of Christ’s love for his bride and an invitation for others to witness the transformative power of grace. In this way, marriage fulfills its ultimate purpose: glorifying God by reflecting His redeeming love to a watching world.
Love for enemies: a radical call to imitate Christ
One of the most striking aspects of Jesus’ teaching is his command to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44).4 This call challenges our natural instincts and invites us to reflect the mercy of God, who loved us even while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). Loving our enemies is not just about avoiding retaliation; it involves an active, sacrificial love that seeks their good. As Jesus said in Luke 6:27-28: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Jesus exemplified this on the cross when he prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). In the midst of unimaginable suffering, he interceded for those who mocked, tortured, and crucified him. This act of grace reveals the heart of the gospel – a love that forgives even in the face of betrayal and injustice.
Such love requires divine strength because it runs counter to our human instincts for self-preservation and vengeance. Yet it is precisely this kind of love that demonstrates the transformative power of the gospel. By forgiving those who wrong us and praying for their well-being, we follow Christ’s example and participate in his redemptive mission. This does not mean excusing sin or neglecting justice but rather entrusting ultimate judgment to God while extending grace.5 As Jesus taught, loving our enemies makes us “sons of [our] Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:45), reflecting his kindness to both the righteous and the unrighteous. When Christians love their enemies through prayer, forgiveness, and doing good, they point to a higher reality: the reconciling love of God in Christ, and invite others to experience this same transforming grace. Such sacrificial love is not only a mark of true discipleship but also a powerful testimony to a watching world.
A love that reflects Christ
In a world longing for meaning and fulfillment, the love of Christ shines as the ultimate answer – a love that is selfless, sacrificial, and life-changing. This love is far more than fleeting feelings or self-centred desires; it is a powerful force that transforms hearts, reshapes relationships, and redefines our purpose. Whether shown in the church, within marriage, or even toward those who oppose us, this Christlike love embodies the very heart of the gospel. It calls us to set aside our own interests for the good of others, just as Christ gave Himself for us. By living this way, we not only reflect his love but also invite others to experience the grace that redeems and restores.
When we live out this gospel-shaped love, we become visible witnesses of God’s covenant love and faithfulness. Our love within the church showcases the beauty of true Christian fellowship. Our marriages serve as a living picture of Christ’s unbreakable covenant with his bride, the church. And our love for enemies reveals the radical grace of God that reconciles sinners to himself. Every act of sacrificial love becomes a proclamation of the hope found in the gospel and a foretaste of God’s kingdom to a watching world. May we seek to embody this love in every part of our lives, always pointing others to Christ – the source and perfect model of enduring, transformative love.
References
1 See John Piper, Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist (Sisters: Multnomah, 1996), 180-87.
2 See Joel R. Beeke and James A. La Belle, Living in a Godly Marriage (Grand Rapids: Reformation Heritage Books, 2016), 174-89. For a rich and in-depth exploration of this passage, refer to the Puritan William Gouge’s, Building a Godly Home, volume 2, A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage (Grand Rapids: Reformation Heritage Books, 2013)
3 For an excellent discussion on what this looks like practically, see Paul David Tripp, What Did You Expect: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage (Wheaton: Crossway, 2010), 185-203.
4 For an insightful examination of this theme, see John Piper, Love Your Enemies: Jesus’ Love Command in the Synoptic Gospels and the Early Christian Paraenesis (Wheaton: Crossway, 2012).
5 For an helpful exploration of the challenges of loving our enemies and the intricate interplay between love, forgiveness, and justice, see D. A. Carson’s Love in Hard Places (Carlisle: Paternoster, 2002), particularly pages 35–144.
Mr Martin Williams is Lecturer in New Testament and Greek at Reformed Theological College, Melbourne, Editor of Vox Reformata BMin, MTh(Merit), PhD (University of Otago)
Photo by James Coleman on Unsplash
